"Both and"

Dear LFUU Members and Friends,

In this polarized political climate, I’ve been questioning our two-party system. Questioning our binary - black and white - either/or - right or wrong - thinking. Wondering if it’s possible to collectively shift to “both and” thinking. To understand that even opposites can be true at the same time: I can feel grief AND joy at the same time.

I remember years ago at Fellowship, Susie, a former member, led programs teaching us how to dialogue vs. discuss. She discouraged us from reflectively reacting to a comment and saying “but” which ends dialogue and dismisses previous points. She encouraged us to instead pause and reflect on the comment, then say “and” to add to and continue the dialogue by allowing two seemingly opposite ideas to be true simultaneously.

At the Hands Off rally on Saturday that many of us attended, I was talking with Marnie about the hyper-vitriol on Facebook and that I post only positive things. She said she does too: that that’s the Unitarian-Universalist way. That made me pause and reflect, then agree. As UUs we share a set of values AND have many different beliefs . . . both are true. On social media, I focus on sharing my values not my beliefs, which trigger people and they reflectively react with "buts," "either/or" comments, and vitriol.

So, if I believe “and” is preferable to “but,” why would I protest at the Hands Off Rally? Are there times when “but” is preferable to “and?” I believe there are. Times when the “right or wrong” values of those in power conflict with what I see as our "both and" UU values of Interdependence, Pluralism, Justice, Transformation, Generosity, and Equity. I cannot, will not hold those opposite values as truths at the same time. That is why I protest.

Are you able to hold seemingly opposite ideas as true at the same time? Are there times when you can’t? Won’t?

In Fellowship,

Laurie Gauer